Depth of the Rain by Orin Drake A completed novel, available
here.
|
Chapter 12 - "Things...
You Can't Forget..."
There
was
no way they could stay where they were for another second.
They
had to get out of that valley of godawful things before nightfall, try
to distance themselves as much as possible before they couldn't move
any
longer. The idea of sleeping anywhere near such an abomination...
it simply wasn't a pleasant one. No one argued when Sandy picked
up the pace.
They
made
damn good time getting the hell out of there. Just as
twilight
fell, they were climbing another hill large and steep enough to have
been
considered a small mountain. But this time they moved quite a bit
slower. While they did obviously want to leave the valley behind,
it had been a surprise. And it was a terrifying thought to think
another surprise was more than likely awaiting them on the other side
of
the hill they were climbing.
There
wasn't
exactly a lot of conversation before bed. In fact, there
was
none at all. Not more than a word here or there for affirmation
of
the placement of a bed or something of the like. Things were...
weird.
Very tense. And no one quite understood how to break it.
She glanced around to make sure she hadn't woken anyone, but saw the eyes of good old Sandy Grey looking back at her. In a soft whisper, she assured, "I'll be right back, girl. Don't wait up." The horse whinnied quietly and threw her head in a nod. Simple orders. She threw the covers off to let them dry and air the smell of sweat, then stumbled quietly and somewhat blindly through the trees and to the stream. Before falling to her knees, she looked over her shoulder and made certain no one was watching. Even Sandy had obediently laid her head on the ground and seemed to have gone to sleep. Satisfied, she let her legs give out underneath her and fell welcomely into the soft mud of the shore, dousing her face with splashes of freezing water. The world seemed like it was spinning, but she closed her eyes and tried to hold on to a nothingness that momentarily overcame all of her senses. Roan stood behind her, completely unheard, and watched. He had seen her bolt from the bed and pretended to be asleep, then followed her in a close arc without even a momentary wink from that damn horse. Something about seeing her on her knees made him grit his teeth and wish he hadn't been looking, a vicious joke pressed to a corner in the back of his mind. The blood that clearly stained the side of her neck made him very uneasy. The numbness and spinning began to pass, and she opened her eyes to gaze at the water. She remembered how, at least on Earth, some people believed gazing at water to be a cleansing experience; so she prayed for something cleansing. Something clean, something free of all of the weight of all worlds. The water gleamed and shimmered with moonlight, the soft chiming of the liquid over the stones near shore calming her enough to let her rub her eyes and regain her sanity--whatever little seemed reachable at the time. At first it seemed as though all things were good and fine again, that she'd be able to simply go back to bed without dreams at all... but the spinning sensation just wouldn't go away completely. The dam she had built to hold back years that she never wished to remember was leaking, and she felt as though there were nothing she could do to repair it... except fall... Roan was quite surprised to see her simply lean forward and take a shallow dive into the freezing stream. He watched as though from far away with curious fascination, seeing his own hand reach out to find her under the water. He drew it back, snapped it back to him, but his hand would not obey. It insisted upon finding that girl against its master's will. As it searched, as a cold panic he did not want invading him spread in the back of his head, he saw her surface a few feet away with a loud and shuddering gasp. The disobedient hand finally flew back to him, cold, wet and shaking. Quickly and desperately, like a cat that had been thrown into the stream, Shadow pounded the water and attached herself to the shore, gasping from the rush of cold. She hadn't felt herself falling, and the surprise of being submerged was enough to distract her from the intense cold for only so long. She clung to the mud in a shivering heap, coughing quietly so as not to attract attention. As she began to get her breath back, she turned her head and gazed with curiosity at a stunned Roan sitting right beside her, his knees coated with the same mud she was laying on. Both of them stared at each other without a word, both shivering hardly enough for the moonlight to allow notice. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" the boy asked finally, regaining his composure and sliding his feet underneath him. She had need to consider the question for a few seconds before she responded, still laying in the mud with no attempt to get up. "So you didn't push me?" He laughed shortly and spitefully, but the chalkboard scratch of his normal laughter was barely to be heard. He saw her eyes shift with discomfort, knowing that was a different laugh altogether. "Now I wish I did. The accusations..." he grinned viciously, but still found himself unable to find the strength to stand up. She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. Slowly, she pulled herself out of the mud and sat there on the drier part of shore, still freezing cold, wet, and covered with thick brown mud. She gazed upward at the moon and stars, looking for something familiar. Maybe he'd just... go away... Though he didn't want to,desperately didn't want to, he croaked, "Nightmare?" She took only an extra second to look at the stars before glancing over. "So you saw. And apparently you followed. Why don't you go back to bed." Upon the obvious notice that she hadn't actually been asking him a question, he stood up on trembling legs--legs of which he was mad as hell at and questioned why they would be trembling when only his hand was cold--and looked down at her. He searched for something to say, but his lips moved before he realized they were speaking for him. "Coming back?" She looked at him, quite a shocked expression on her face, and shook her head. "I should try to wash the mud off first." "You'll get sick." Immediately upon ending the sentence, he raised his hand to punish the words that had escaped his mouth without permission. Shadow, he saw from the corner of his eye as he just made an exasperated fist, was shaking a little from something other than cold. "And what would you care, Mr. Prisoner?" she asked, unaware of how hollow her voice was. The numbness was fading into a flashing series of panic attack symptoms. "It's your quest." He growled, but could not convince his feet to walk away. He glared down at them, demanding that they move, but they just would not go. The feeling of being utterly trapped in a dream had never been stronger in her entire life than it was at that moment, and she chose to believe and embrace the sensation. She stood up and walked over to him. When he didn't move, only looked at her with a distinctly puzzled curiosity, she simply pushed him into the stream. It was a single quick motion, one he hadn't anticipated, and one which she prayed would wake her up. When she watched him tip backward (looking quite surprised) and splash her with the freezing water, she was vividly disappointed. But in that instant, a very unexpected instant, she found herself laughing. She was laughing so hard that she couldn't stand straight, bent at the waist and trying to catch her breath, laughing too hard to see Roan swim a little too close. With only the quick feeling of being smacked on both shoulders, she was suddenly laughing under the cold water. She broke the surface again, coughing for need of air, and looked around to see Roan trying to crawl back on the mud of the shore. Abandoning all hope of seeming to be a competent, proud and ferocious leader, she took a deep breath and called, "Now you're just getting your clothes dirty again!" When he looked back at her, only half out of the water, she had already grabbed his ankles. She dug her heels into the pebble wall of the stream bed and yanked him back, his hands unable to grasp anything but slippery mud. And then all was quiet. She stood in the water next to the shore, and looked around. There was no sign of the boy emerging. She took a deep breath and swallowed. Standing there, she carefully scanned the glossy surface around her, looked behind and scanned the shore, but he was nowhere to be seen. I think I've killed him... she thought uneasily, turning back to scan closer than before. A splashing roar erupted right in front of her, and she stared into two brightly glistening eyes. They were beautiful, playful and sparkling, streaks of dark hair surrounding them, and it took her too long to realize who they belonged to. He's smiling, he's actually smil--her thoughts were sliced off by another rush of freezing cold over her head. The moment after the very word, the very concept of cold had allowed her conscious thought again, she very much expected him to be holding her head under the water and waiting for her to die. But, as survival dictates, no matter what the situation, one will try to get air any way one can. To her surprise, she found by easily pressing upward and surfacing again that Roan was actually just standing there beside her. He was panting and staring at her with a grin almost void of his usual gut twisting expression, his hands laced together and resting against the back of his head. "I surrender." He hissed, still panting with horrible cold shivers. She stared, wide eyed, completely off guard. It didn't take long for her to regain composure to his eyes, but to her own awareness it seemed to take hours. "I knew you would eventually." She said sarcastically, slowly moving toward shore again. The playful evilness his eyes still held prompted her to say, "No more pushing from either side, though." "I'd not dream of it!" he shouted triumphantly, then began to take his hands down. "Oh no you don't." She announced, shivering as she carefully backed up onto the mud and purposely sank a little to keep herself from slipping. "You're the the one that surrendered, you keep your hands there." He grinned back at her, his eyes blazing. He shrugged and placed his hands back behind his head, then strode in the most confident way he could manage out of the freezing stream. Planting his boots firmly in the mud, he shook off what water he could without the use of his hands, and looked back to Shadow. She, however, was still looking at the memory of his eyes. His whole face had looked so different... and his laugh had been different... but his eyes were so... She shuddered quite violently, wrapping her arms around herself, still gazing deeply at the rippling water. "If you like it more in there, I can arrange that." He growled quietly, dropping his hands. She snapped her attention from the memory of him to the actual boy in front of her. It was as though he had been glowing in the water, but had faded when he reached the shore. The cold bit deeply through her flesh again and wracked her body. "I think dry land is more my thing." She tried to grin, but the whole attempt seemed to fade as well. To hide her thoughts, she added quickly, "We better go dry off at the fire before we drop dead here." Before he could respond, she had already begun to walk away. Something seemed... quite abnormal about that conversation. About that whole incident, really. He'd known she had nightmares, but they had never seemed so bad before. He also began to ponder that horribly lost look she had given him before stepping off back to camp... When a shiver interrupted him, he thought it was probably better to ponder beside a fire and followed. "These two could probably sleep through a nuclear war..." she commented, seeing him glance, uninterested, at the still sleeping siblings. Sandy opened one eye unseen, then closed it promptly. "What's a nuclear war?" Roan asked, dragging a chunk of what resembled sandstone over to the fire as a seat. "Something only the human race could be stupid enough to devise." She joked shallowly. She continued as the boy stared at her blankly through his usual, cruel eyes. "Lots of bombs... explosions... fire and destruction and suffering... all at the touch of a button..." and she trailed off, standing closer to the fire and wringing out her clothes. For a very long time, there was silence. He simply stared down as the girl stared at the fire, both going over what had happened at the stream. And then what had happened at "dinner". Both of them were nearly bone dry before he finally broke the silence. "Is that what you were dreaming about? War?" She tried to hide her quick intake of breath by swallowing. "No. Just nightmares." He nodded. Just as the matter seemed over, having timed it as well as he could, he continued, "This one seemed worse than the others." She met his cold, dark eyes, and knew that it was easier for both of them to simply cut to the chase. "Just some bad memories. I'm sure you know what those are like." He didn't move or seem to react, but inside old anger warmed him far more than any fire. It was his turn to feel the rushing, spinning sensation and find something to grasp on to. He stared at her, fire dancing in her eyes of more than one sort, her natural eye color seeming so strange even in his experience. Seeing the possibilities of what could happen, what may be talked about, she stood from her crouch by the fire and went over to straighten her bed. Still horribly cold, even worse than being stuck out in the snow in elementary school so the teachers indulged in their drugs of one kind or another inside, she pulled her bed a couple of feet closer to the fire, pulled off her dirty socks, and crawled in. He wasn't ready to let the subject drop so easily. On the surface, he wanted nothing more than to torment her. Most especially after she'd pushed him into the water. But he was also quite curious. Just what could have made her turn out as she was, was a fascinating concept. "And what are these bad memories?" She glared at him as she sat up and ran her fingers through her hair to make certain it was dry. She noticed only then that the deep gashes she'd dug into her cheek were still unhealed, and let the blue fire arc to seal them. "Memories are better left in the grave." She answered far more firmly than she wanted. He grinned. "But you feed off of the memories when you want to, don't you?" He watched as she looked rather uncomfortable and continued without missing a beat, "I've seen it. I know you do. You operate on old wounds and still think they can't tear you apart. You like to think about what happened to you when it suits you." "And what about you?" she countered, completely unexpected. As the bastard boy's grin dropped, she fired, "I bet you'd really love to go back to that castle, being the little boy at a Roman table for your master. It would make you much more powerful, now wouldn't it?" "I don't think you know what're talking about." He snarled. "Obviously I do." Her eyes visibly darkened. "So why don't you go back?" The question was so pointed and unexpected that only the honest truth came out. "Horrible things happened to me there." His voice was choked with vivid anger. "You have no idea what happened there." She stared at him wordlessly with cold eyes, not at all doubting what he was saying. For the first time, she could almost picture the boy he possibly once was, full of wonder and possibility, maybe even having played with toys once. Well, maybe. Somehow the conversation had turned accusatory, and she didn't mean for it to continue. "Things... you can't forget..." he growled in a toneless voice, glaring right at her, straight into her. "Tortured?" she asked, almost entirely nonchalantly, her eyes blank and expressionless. She was curious, very curious, and so wanted to know what things he had endured to make him into what he was. "Yes." He snarled at her, looking deeply into her eyes and wanting so badly to hurt her. "Emotionally scarred?" she grinned, but still without emotion or reaction, mirroring the boy's intensity. "Yes." He hissed again. "Invaded in ways you never dreamed possible?" her tone was far darker than usual. He saw clearly the flash across her eyes--pain and fear and old wounds--but didn't pause to understand them. "Yes." His hands were curled into fists, his teeth were clenched and fangs viciously exposed as he prepared to use his anger to tear her apart with his bare hands. Even though she felt on the very verge of tears, on the precipice of telling him so much more than anyone should ever know about her, she forcefully steadied her voice. "Ah. Me too." She broke eye contact and laid straight down to sleep. It was all she was capable of in that moment, feeling both completely drained and full of power that would rip her apart all at once. Something in Roan's very being slumped. His anger had been broken or distorted, and everything simply... slumped. She had shocked him totally, and he went over the conversation in his mind, staring past her. He knew she wasn't lying; they were looking into each other as they talked and he never saw a lie or a cover of any sort. He saw the grim eyes of a child whose soul was damaged beyond repair... and it had been like looking into a mirror long ago... Quickly, really without even Shadow noticing, he walked a long distance from the camp and vomited several times. Old memories encased him in a blanket of sweat that not even the cool breeze could take away. He washed his face at the freezing stream and returned, sinking straight into his bed for the night. He would think of this no more. Just a silent, dreamless sleep. That's what he needed. All he wanted. Just to get the fuck away from... this... |
|