Depth of the Rain by Orin Drake
A completed novel, available here.

        Chapter 12 - "Things... You Can't Forget..."


        There was no way they could stay where they were for another second.  They had to get out of that valley of godawful things before nightfall, try to distance themselves as much as possible before they couldn't move any longer.  The idea of sleeping anywhere near such an abomination... it simply wasn't a pleasant one.  No one argued when Sandy picked up the pace.
        Only Roan glanced over his shoulder as they headed desperately for the horizon, hoping to find something much better over the next hill.  What he saw made him cringe, but he refused to react in any other way.  The others would not know he'd been affected at all.  They could not exploit a weakness he didn't have.  The old man they'd just seen--that the bitch had just spoken with and very nearly offered him to--was flat on his back in a pool of his own blood.  Even from that distance, Roan recognized the suicide.  Kerenth had slashed his own throat.  And, by the look of the object at his outstretched fingertips, he'd done so with a piece of shattered porcelain cup. 


 

        They made damn good time getting the hell out of there.  Just as twilight fell, they were climbing another hill large and steep enough to have been considered a small mountain.  But this time they moved quite a bit slower.  While they did obviously want to leave the valley behind, it had been a surprise.  And it was a terrifying thought to think another surprise was more than likely awaiting them on the other side of the hill they were climbing.
        Shadow somehow found herself in the lead.  She paused and looked back at her companions, slowing way down as they reached the crest.  She sure as hell didn't want to be the first one to look over, but... well, hell.  She was there.  She'd have liked to think there could be little more disturbing than what they'd just seen... but she knew better.  She may not have been able to imagine something worse at that moment in time, but she knew it certainly existed.  If there's one thing she could know for sure at that point in time, it was that it could always be worse.
        Evyn looked up to see her peek over.  His heart seized as he saw her reaction.  Her jaw nearly unhinged, and her legs almost collapsed under her-- "Shadow?"
        Roan didn't say a word.  But neither did he laugh.  Not even a condescending grin.  He just watched in rage of his continuing... concern.  Even he'd been a little thrown by what lay behind them.  If the cold bitch's reaction was like that, looking over the next peak... he shuddered to think.  So he didn't.  Just followed.
        Taerlyn darted after her brother, likewise concerned.  When Evyn had reached the top and looked over, he'd had quite a similar reaction.  When she joined them, however, she simply squeaked quietly.  All that desert, all that burning and death and destruction... and now they were overlooking a valley so gorgeously lush and green that it was just... fucking ridiculous.
        Even in the increasing darkness, they could clearly see the area beyond the valley of death was again like Eden itself.  Far ahead they saw the roaring swish of a cliffside waterfall, the ribbon of greenish blue rolling into the distance.  There were deer and giant ostrich-like birds drinking at the stream that lay at the bottom of the very hillside they were standing on.
        All of this, this paradise was just... a shock.  Animals and plants and a landscape so gloriously... unaware.  The song of night birds was cooing softly through the air while the trees were being rustled by the settling birds that were only awake during the day.  All was well in the valley that knew nothing of what was over the hill.
        Roan simply could not help the rush of breath that swept through him when he finally witnessed the dichotomy.  One side, the very essence that was murder, killing,  Death.  The other, the lush sweep of Life.  Like living entities opposing one another, back to back.  But--this?  Paradise in the land of his master?  It was... so very strange.  Even he felt a weight of fear lift.  What a joke.  He had been emotionally weakened by these... stupid creatures around him.  It was enough to make him--
        Sandy pressed her nose firmly against his back to get him walking.  This was... almost too good to be true.  And were that the case, that demon boy was going first.  The steed could not deny the scent of grass just a few yards down and grown into lush carpet by the time it reached the stream.  But, she realized, these were strange days in strange places.
        Shadow was still very much shocked as she followed.  She of all people could appreciate dichotomy; irony, especially.  But this was... a blow.  Not a bad kind of fatal blow, but... a shock just the same.  Evyn followed, with Ter close behind (she had already begun to excitedly murmur the names of some of the flowers).
        The animals at the stream darted as soon as they'd seen the travelers coming.  But they'd left in their wake far more than an illusion.  Shadow actually had to force herself to crouch and pick up a clump of grass to convince herself this was real.  Dirt and all, she raised the clump to her nose.  It smelled of fresh soil, cut grass, and--she sneezed.  "It's real."  She sniffed.
        "This is..." Evyn started in a whisper.  He promptly found he couldn't finish, not having the words.
        "Beautiful."  Taerlyn finished for him, stepping off a little ways to identify a bleeding violet.  Seeing one outside of a sketch in a book was... utterly thrilling.
        Shadow stood there on her own for a moment, looking up the hillside they'd just come from.  It was like a whole other fucking world.  Another doorway... only not really to another place.  Just another... sort of place.  Another... emotion.  It was still weird.  Very weird.  But she could go with it.
        Evyn stopped to make a water pouch refill.  They'd pretty much decided they'd keep walking for a time, then camp somewhere by the stream up ahead.  With the weapons they had, they could even hunt... if they felt like it.  If they were up to it.
        It was tempting to just say there at the edge of the valley in the clearing, but they could not forget what lay behind them.  For what anyone but Roan knew, that old cleric could turn out to be a robber or something.  That, and the very idea they were so close to all of that stench was... unpleasant.  It wasn't such a big deal walking through twilight, though.  Rather enjoyable, actually.  Not much movement, a comfortable coolness, the smell of plants rather than of death.
        They hadn't meant to set up camp so quickly, but just past the first bit of almost tropical forest was another clearing.  It was simply... perfect. They couldn't even see the hillside for the trees, and were just close enough to the stream to hear a mild trickle from time to time through the vegetation in that direction.  Surrounded by forest, but with plenty of area for a fire (they had to keep wildlife at bay) and sleep.
        Good thing it hadn't taken much more walking, though.  The events of the day were wearing them all quite thin.  Sandy most of all, though it could have been the armor.  Shadow assisted her in taking it off for the night before she stripped her own armor; but not the bracers.  No, those would stay on until she was ready to sleep.  The novelty had far from worn off.  Evyn was picking through some of the trees for firewood while Ter was actually in the process of making the fire.  Roan... was sitting.  On the edge of their camp, under a tree, keeping his thoughts completely to himself.
        The growling of Taerlyn's stomach signaled time to stop and relax.  They were hungry... but there was little option now.  Hunting at night just wasn't a practical idea.
        "Here's 'the deal'."  Shadow made quotation marks with her fingers.  "We can settle for cans tonight and hunt in the morning.  Or... we can starve."
        Evyn appeared to be thinking for a little too long for it to have been a joke.  "Well, maybe we'll try just one can."
        "Exciting."  She responded, digging in her backpack.  Some day she'd find a fridge for that Coca Cola...  Selecting a can at random, she tossed it to the expert.
        Still not so sure of this idea, Evyn shook it gently for a moment.  Swishing, alright.  Well, that was okay.  Maybe.  Hopefully.  It sounded like loosely packed something or other, so he carefully opened the top of it and revealed... "Little oranges."
        Taerlyn's eyes lit up.  "You're kidding!"
        Her brother handed the can over for her inspection.  "We're lucky this time."
        "Mandarin oranges."  Shadow corrected, needing only one whiff from a few feet away.  She wasn't crazy about them, but damn they were better than green beans or some other crap.  "We're eatin' well tonight."
        "Okay, let's divide them."  Ter sputtered excitedly.  It was too hard to be patient about matters like this.
        "Come here, donkey boy."  Shadow didn't even raise her voice.  She knew well enough that he was listening.
        Evyn gave her an entirely cold, startled look.  He could not fathom what would allow her to share their "bounty" with that little piece of--
        Fairness.  Again with the fucking fairness.  She felt like some... stupid nun or something.  "He can do tricks for them."  She couldn't put her finger on it, but she just... couldn't find it in herself to torment the demon creature as much as she thought she ought to.  A sudden thought flashed across her mind; maybe he'd been as affected by the morbid deaths as the rest were.  It was a stupid idea, she knew, but... she couldn't deny her gut feeling on the matter.  She waited for him to make eye contact, seeing if she could just get a hint of whether she was right or not.
        He would not meet her eyes, however.  He would not meet anyone's eyes.  He'd never had oranges before.  Never seen them, never smelled them.  But they... seemed good.  More good than bad.
        "Plenty of food for him just over the hill."  Evyn's voice was as hard and flat as his eyes were.
        The prisoner glared back hatefully.  Whether they'd meant to or not, they made him feel right at home already.  He didn't say anything, though.  Couldn't.  It didn't matter what he'd said anyway.  He'd have liked just one of those little orange things.  They resembled... maggots, really, but... they looked so much more appetizing.  That was a new thing, being... hungry. Wanting food.
        Taerlyn couldn't really say she thought it was unfair to deny him.  Sure he'd helped, but... it obviously wasn't out of the goodness of his heart.
        But Shadow made a very short moment of eye contact with Evyn.  It wasn't harsh at all, just questing.  Only after he was looking back at her, she spoke.  "It's citrus.  It'll make us sick on an empty stomach if we eat too much.  I don't want to waste it."  She paused but did not look away.  "And he did help.  Much as I hate to admit it."
        If he hadn't been in such tight control, Roan may well have grinned from ear to ear and thrown it back in the boy's face like a spiny rock.  But now he assumed he'd have to play the moment just right.  He was starting to really want some of those orange things.  The smell was getting to him.  The desire of the siblings to fight him for it would just make the taste that much sweeter.
        Evyn refused to regard her comments directly.  "What about Sandy?"
        The horse in question was a few feet away, grazing.  She was intent on pretending not to be listening.  This could get... messy.
        "There's plenty for her, too."  Shadow was quick to cut the threads leading away from the point.  Granted she didn't want to piss Evyn off, directly or not.  But she didn't want to give the demon boy another reason to betray them than she was certain he already had.  That, and... it just wasn't fair.  All feelings aside, they might just need the boy at some point in time.
        Evyn surrendered his position silently, but not without another harsh, questioning glance.  Shadow was forced to pretend to ignore it.  She could not reveal her line of thought in front of Roan without the possibility of more serious betrayals.  Or lots and lots of bothersome little ones.
        Taerlyn, merely sick of the whole affair, grabbed the can away and counted three for herself, out loud.  They could quarrel all they wanted, but she was going to eat.
        Evyn was next, counting three.  Then Shadow, who simply put the whole handful into her mouth.  Savoring all at once and such, you know.  To keep them all satisfied, she silently counted three more, then presented those in her other palm to Roan herself.
        He'd seen the others take and eat them whole, but he was rather... puzzled.  Concerned, maybe.  He scooped them out of the bitch's hand and stared at the jewel-like pieces, their smell easily lulling him.  He could not reveal his anticipation, however.  He was forced to swallow these whole so they wouldn't know he was enjoying them.
        "Slow down, Flash."  Shadow almost... teased.  What the fuck was making her be... well, so... civil to the little jerk?  "You could actually taste them.  Maybe even chew them."
        Well, she did suggest it.  And he had agreed to be more... well, agreeable.  As Taerlyn counted and handed the next bunch of three out, he very nearly made an unacceptable slip.  He'd gone to hold his hand out to the bitch.  He'd caught himself just in time, but... it was certainly enough to get to him.  To think they'd almost had him... trained...
        What had come over her, she'd surely never fucking know.  Shadow took his share in her other hand and presented it in her fist to the bastard boy herself.  When he just stared blankly at her, she asked, "What?  You want a hand feeding or something?"
        Had anyone been looking, the expression on Evyn's face would have most likely caused a pain in the middle of their forehead.  It was more than just pointed.  He could feel his lip curl with just the faintest hint of that suggestion.  He simply had to sit there and force a calm over himself that he knew would not come.  But he would sure as hell have to pretend.  For now.
        The look Roan gave her, however, almost seemed to communicate his thought process.  She wasn't certain what it was, or why he was acting as he was, but... she understood enough.  She presented the pieces to him in the palm of her hand instead, and he scooped them from her again.  Interesting.
        Sandy wandered over to where the pile of her own mandarin orange pieces were waiting, kindly arranged by Taerlyn.  She had the distinct feeling she needed to get in on this conversation.  Things... were going less than smoothly, it seemed.
        Roan knew he was being watched, alright.  There was no way not to have known.  But, the bitch had made that suggestion after all.  Perhaps he still had to pretend he hated it, but he could still secretly enjoy the fruit.  It was certainly like nothing he'd ever experienced before.  In the back of his mind, he could almost attribute this hunger with... lust.
        Shadow continued to pretend nothing out of the ordinary was going on.  She took the last of the oranges as they were handed out, ate her share and offered the rest to the demon boy who she'd just defended and gotten food for.  Holy hell, what was happening to her?  Must have been the continuing high from the awesome bracers.  Yeah.  That had to be it. 


 

        There wasn't exactly a lot of conversation before bed.  In fact, there was none at all.  Not more than a word here or there for affirmation of the placement of a bed or something of the like.  Things were... weird.  Very tense.  And no one quite understood how to break it.
        Roan himself had actually taken to just laying there by himself while the others seemed to be deciding what was safe to say to one another.  He literally felt like he could not make contact with them even if he'd wanted to.  Not visually, not in language.  He probably felt strangest of all in that situation...  And he just desperately didn't want to think about it.  Something was so... not right.
        Evyn was still pissed.  The reasons behind it were many and spread out over a period of time so that even he couldn't pinpoint them.  But he didn't want to.  He just wanted to go to sleep and pray that this nightmare would end soon.  He was quite the different sort of person when he was truly upset.
        No one knew that better than Taerlyn, certainly.  She watched her brother out of the corner of her eye, careful not to make contact.  It was a very rare occurrence, but he could lash out with sharp words when he was really angry.  She wasn't willing to see where that led.  Now was not the time for all of this tension, when they were headed to... wherever it was they were headed.  They'd given Shadow their word, and they'd keep it.  Things were just... very difficult now.
        And their leader, most of all, sure as hell knew that.  She sat on her bed, staring at the fire.  Once in a while she'd glance Ter's way, but there was nothing she could say.  No help she could offer would make things better just yet.  Maybe a good night's sleep would be all it took to ease things through.  And maybe pigs would fly and form an army...
        Sandy was vigilant.  She was laying a bit off to the side, gazing into the fire herself.  She was no stupid horse.  This tension was one thread away from tearing them apart.  They sure as hell didn't need that.  They were good as a group.  They just... didn't remember it at the moment.  Pieces were definitely falling into place... it was just taking a file, a hammer and a little angry energy to slide them together freely...
        Not even "good nights" were spoken.  Evyn knew if he said one word, he very well might wind up not being able to stop talking for a good long time.  And that would be bad, in that particular case.  Taerlyn knew that if she'd said anything, it could very well trigger the same sort of reaction, so she merely waved at Shadow.  Waving back, the freak in the GN'R tee didn't know exactly what she was thinking about.  Things had gotten real damn confusing in a hurry.  It sucked.  Roan thankfully stayed utterly silent and completely still.
        Shadow then gazed over at Sandy, who gave her a sympathizing look.  It was the only thing the steed had to offer her, so she accepted it gratefully.  With an inward sigh, she unbuckled her bracers, pulled her shoes off, and laid down to forget about all of this shit for just a few hours.  If she had to force herself to sleep, she'd find a way; but she didn't think she'd need to.  She was tired in too many ways. 


 

        The dream again... the dream of the little boy and girl, but the girl is dying and the boy is powerless to stop the evil man trying to destroy them both, the boy dropping to the floor, gasping for breath and writhing in agony, vomiting thousands of tiny silver pins... but this time she was the boy and the evil man was her father... And Shadow sat bolt upright, wet with sweat and clenching her teeth too hard to scream.  In desperation she clawed her cheek, but when the pain grasped hold and the crimson liquid trickled, memories of the past did not fade.  She held her head as echoes of memory merged with music; "But the horse stampedes, it rages/ In the name of desperation..." tore through her consciousness, feeling and smelling blood dripping in a tiny stream down her neck and making the situation worse.
        She glanced around to make sure she hadn't woken anyone, but saw the eyes of good old Sandy Grey looking back at her.  In a soft whisper, she assured, "I'll be right back, girl.  Don't wait up."  The horse whinnied quietly and threw her head in a nod.  Simple orders.
        She threw the covers off to let them dry and air the smell of sweat, then stumbled quietly and somewhat blindly through the trees and to the stream.  Before falling to her knees, she looked over her shoulder and made certain no one was watching.  Even Sandy had obediently laid her head on the ground and seemed to have gone to sleep.  Satisfied, she let her legs give out underneath her and fell welcomely into the soft mud of the shore, dousing her face with splashes of freezing water.  The world seemed like it was spinning, but she closed her eyes and tried to hold on to a nothingness that momentarily overcame all of her senses.
        Roan stood behind her, completely unheard, and watched.  He had seen her bolt from the bed and pretended to be asleep, then followed her in a close arc without even a momentary wink from that damn horse.  Something about seeing her on her knees made him grit his teeth and wish he hadn't been looking, a vicious joke pressed to a corner in the back of his mind.  The blood that clearly stained the side of her neck made him very uneasy.
        The numbness and spinning began to pass, and she opened her eyes to gaze at the water.  She remembered how, at least on Earth, some people believed gazing at water to be a cleansing experience; so she prayed for something cleansing.  Something clean, something free of all of the weight of all worlds.  The water gleamed and shimmered with moonlight, the soft chiming of the liquid over the stones near shore calming her enough to let her rub her eyes and regain her sanity--whatever little seemed reachable at the time.  At first it seemed as though all things were good and fine again, that she'd be able to simply go back to bed without dreams at all... but the spinning sensation just wouldn't go away completely.  The dam she had built to hold back years that she never wished to remember was leaking, and she felt as though there were nothing she could do to repair it... except fall...
        Roan was quite surprised to see her simply lean forward and take a shallow dive into the freezing stream.  He watched as though from far away with curious fascination, seeing his own hand reach out to find her under the water.  He drew it back, snapped it back to him, but his hand would not obey.  It insisted upon finding that girl against its master's will.  As it searched, as a cold panic he did not want invading him spread in the back of his head, he saw her surface a few feet away with a loud and shuddering gasp.  The disobedient hand finally flew back to him, cold, wet and shaking.
        Quickly and desperately, like a cat that had been thrown into the stream, Shadow pounded the water and attached herself to the shore, gasping from the rush of cold.  She hadn't felt herself falling, and the surprise of being submerged was enough to distract her from the intense cold for only so long.  She clung to the mud in a shivering heap, coughing quietly so as not to attract attention.  As she began to get her breath back, she turned her head and gazed with curiosity at a stunned Roan sitting right beside her, his knees coated with the same mud she was laying on.  Both of them stared at each other without a word, both shivering hardly enough for the moonlight to allow notice.
        "Were you trying to kill yourself?" the boy asked finally, regaining his composure and sliding his feet underneath him.
        She had need to consider the question for a few seconds before she responded, still laying in the mud with no attempt to get up.  "So you didn't push me?"
        He laughed shortly and spitefully, but the chalkboard scratch of his normal laughter was barely to be heard.  He saw her eyes shift with discomfort, knowing that was a different laugh altogether.  "Now I wish I did.  The accusations..." he grinned viciously, but still found himself unable to find the strength to stand up.
        She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed.  Slowly, she pulled herself out of the mud and sat there on the drier part of shore, still freezing cold, wet, and covered with thick brown mud.  She gazed upward at the moon and stars, looking for something familiar.  Maybe he'd just... go away...
        Though he didn't want to,desperately didn't want to, he croaked, "Nightmare?"
        She took only an extra second to look at the stars before glancing over.  "So you saw.  And apparently you followed.  Why don't you go back to bed."
        Upon the obvious notice that she hadn't actually been asking him a question, he stood up on trembling legs--legs of which he was mad as hell at and questioned why they would be trembling when only his hand was cold--and looked down at her.  He searched for something to say, but his lips moved before he realized they were speaking for him.  "Coming back?"
        She looked at him, quite a shocked expression on her face, and shook her head.  "I should try to wash the mud off first."
        "You'll get sick."  Immediately upon ending the sentence, he raised his hand to punish the words that had escaped his mouth without permission.  Shadow, he saw from the corner of his eye as he just made an exasperated fist, was shaking a little from something other than cold.
        "And what would you care, Mr. Prisoner?" she asked, unaware of how hollow her voice was.  The numbness was fading into a flashing series of panic attack symptoms.
        "It's your quest."  He growled, but could not convince his feet to walk away.  He glared down at them, demanding that they move, but they just would not go.
        The feeling of being utterly trapped in a dream had never been stronger in her entire life than it was at that moment, and she chose to believe and embrace the sensation.  She stood up and walked over to him.  When he didn't move, only looked at her with a distinctly puzzled curiosity, she simply pushed him into the stream.  It was a single quick motion, one he hadn't anticipated, and one which she prayed would wake her up.  When she watched him tip backward (looking quite surprised) and splash her with the freezing water, she was vividly disappointed.
        But in that instant, a very unexpected instant, she found herself laughing.  She was laughing so hard that she couldn't stand straight, bent at the waist and trying to catch her breath, laughing too hard to see Roan swim a little too close.  With only the quick feeling of being smacked on both shoulders, she was suddenly laughing under the cold water.
        She broke the surface again, coughing for need of air, and looked around to see Roan trying to crawl back on the mud of the shore.  Abandoning all hope of seeming to be a competent, proud and ferocious leader, she took a deep breath and called, "Now you're just getting your clothes dirty again!"  When he looked back at her, only half out of the water, she had already grabbed his ankles.  She dug her heels into the pebble wall of the stream bed and yanked him back, his hands unable to grasp anything but slippery mud.
        And then all was quiet. She stood in the water next to the shore, and looked around.  There was no sign of the boy emerging.  She took a deep breath and swallowed.  Standing there, she carefully scanned the glossy surface around her, looked behind and scanned the shore, but he was nowhere to be seen. I think I've killed him... she thought uneasily, turning back to scan closer than before.
        A splashing roar erupted right in front of her, and she stared into two brightly glistening eyes.  They were beautiful, playful and sparkling, streaks of dark hair surrounding them, and it took her too long to realize who they belonged to.  He's smiling, he's actually smil--her thoughts were sliced off by another rush of freezing cold over her head.
        The moment after the very word, the very concept of cold had allowed her conscious thought again, she very much expected him to be holding her head under the water and waiting for her to die.  But, as survival dictates, no matter what the situation, one will try to get air any way one can.  To her surprise, she found by easily pressing upward and surfacing again that Roan was actually just standing there beside her.  He was panting and staring at her with a grin almost void of his usual gut twisting expression, his hands laced together and resting against the back of his head.  "I surrender." He hissed, still panting with horrible cold shivers.
        She stared, wide eyed, completely off guard.  It didn't take long for her to regain composure to his eyes, but to her own awareness it seemed to take hours.  "I knew you would eventually."  She said sarcastically, slowly moving toward shore again.  The playful evilness his eyes still held prompted her to say, "No more pushing from either side, though."
        "I'd not dream of it!" he shouted triumphantly, then began to take his hands down.
        "Oh no you don't."  She announced, shivering as she carefully backed up onto the mud and purposely sank a little to keep herself from slipping.  "You're the the one that surrendered, you keep your hands there."
        He grinned back at her, his eyes blazing.  He shrugged and placed his hands back behind his head, then strode in the most confident way he could manage out of the freezing stream.  Planting his boots firmly in the mud, he shook off what water he could without the use of his hands, and looked back to Shadow.
        She, however, was still looking at the memory of his eyes.  His whole face had looked so different... and his laugh had been different... but his eyes were so...  She shuddered quite violently, wrapping her arms around herself, still gazing deeply at the rippling water.
        "If you like it more in there, I can arrange that."  He growled quietly, dropping his hands.
        She snapped her attention from the memory of him to the actual boy in front of her.  It was as though he had been glowing in the water, but had faded when he reached the shore.  The cold bit deeply through her flesh again and wracked her body.  "I think dry land is more my thing."  She tried to grin, but the whole attempt seemed to fade as well.  To hide her thoughts, she added quickly, "We better go dry off at the fire before we drop dead here."
        Before he could respond, she had already begun to walk away.  Something seemed... quite abnormal about that conversation.  About that whole incident, really.  He'd known she had nightmares, but they had never seemed so bad before.  He also began to ponder that horribly lost look she had given him before stepping off back to camp...  When a shiver interrupted him, he thought it was probably better to ponder beside a fire and followed.
        "These two could probably sleep through a nuclear war..." she commented, seeing him glance, uninterested, at the still sleeping siblings.  Sandy opened one eye unseen, then closed it promptly.
        "What's a nuclear war?" Roan asked, dragging a chunk of  what resembled sandstone over to the fire as a seat.
        "Something only the human race could be stupid enough to devise."  She joked shallowly.  She continued as the boy stared at her blankly through his usual, cruel eyes.  "Lots of bombs... explosions... fire and destruction and suffering... all at the touch of a button..." and she trailed off, standing closer to the fire and wringing out her clothes.
        For a very long time, there was silence.  He simply stared down as the girl stared at the fire, both going over what had happened at the stream.  And then what had happened at "dinner".  Both of them were nearly bone dry before he finally broke the silence.  "Is that what you were dreaming about?  War?"
        She tried to hide her quick intake of breath by swallowing.  "No.  Just nightmares."
        He nodded.  Just as the matter seemed over, having timed it as well as he could, he continued, "This one seemed worse than the others."
        She met his cold, dark eyes, and knew that it was easier for both of them to simply cut to the chase.  "Just some bad memories.  I'm sure you know what those are like."
        He didn't move or seem to react, but inside old anger warmed him far more than any fire.  It was his turn to feel the rushing, spinning sensation and find something to grasp on to.  He stared at her, fire dancing in her eyes of more than one sort, her natural eye color seeming so strange even in his experience.
        Seeing the possibilities of what could happen, what may be talked about, she stood from her crouch by the fire and went over to straighten her bed.  Still horribly cold, even worse than being stuck out in the snow in elementary school so the teachers indulged in their drugs of one kind or another inside, she pulled her bed a couple of feet closer to the fire, pulled off her dirty socks, and crawled in.
        He wasn't ready to let the subject drop so easily.  On the surface, he wanted nothing more than to torment her.  Most especially after she'd pushed him into the water.  But he was also quite curious.  Just what could have made her turn out as she was, was a fascinating concept.  "And what are these bad memories?"
        She glared at him as she sat up and ran her fingers through her hair to make certain it was dry.  She noticed only then that the deep gashes she'd dug into her cheek were still unhealed, and let the blue fire arc to seal them.  "Memories are better left in the grave."  She answered far more firmly than she wanted.
        He grinned.  "But you feed off of the memories when you want to, don't you?"  He watched as she looked rather uncomfortable and continued without missing a beat, "I've seen it.  I know you do.  You operate on old wounds and still think they can't tear you apart.  You like to think about what happened to you when it suits you."
        "And what about you?" she countered, completely unexpected.  As the bastard boy's grin dropped, she fired, "I bet you'd really love to go back to that castle, being the little boy at a Roman table for your master.  It would make you much more powerful, now wouldn't it?"
        "I don't think you know what're talking about."  He snarled.
        "Obviously I do."  Her eyes visibly darkened.  "So why don't you go back?"
        The question was so pointed and unexpected that only the honest truth came out.  "Horrible things happened to me there."  His voice was choked with vivid anger.  "You have no idea what happened there."
        She stared at him wordlessly with cold eyes, not at all doubting what he was saying.  For the first time, she could almost picture the boy he possibly once was, full of wonder and possibility, maybe even having played with toys once.  Well, maybe.  Somehow the conversation had turned accusatory, and she didn't mean for it to continue.
        "Things... you can't forget..." he growled in a toneless voice, glaring right at her, straight into her.
        "Tortured?" she asked, almost entirely nonchalantly, her eyes blank and expressionless.  She was curious, very curious, and so wanted to know what things he had endured to make him into what he was.
        "Yes."  He snarled at her, looking deeply into her eyes and wanting so badly to hurt her.
        "Emotionally scarred?" she grinned, but still without emotion or reaction, mirroring the boy's intensity.
        "Yes."  He hissed again.
        "Invaded in ways you never dreamed possible?" her tone was far darker than usual.
        He saw clearly the flash across her eyes--pain and fear and old wounds--but didn't pause to understand them.  "Yes." His hands were curled into fists, his teeth were clenched and fangs viciously exposed as he prepared to use his anger to tear her apart with his bare hands.
        Even though she felt on the very  verge of tears, on the precipice of telling him so much more than anyone should ever know about her, she forcefully steadied her voice.  "Ah.  Me too."  She broke eye contact and laid straight down to sleep.  It was all she was capable of in that moment, feeling both completely drained and full of power that would rip her apart all at once.
        Something in Roan's very being slumped.  His anger had been broken or distorted, and everything simply... slumped.  She had shocked him totally, and he went over the conversation in his mind, staring past her.  He knew she wasn't lying; they were looking into each other as they talked and he never saw a lie or a cover of any sort.  He saw the grim eyes of a child whose soul was damaged beyond repair... and it had been like looking into a mirror long ago...
        Quickly, really without even Shadow noticing, he walked a long distance from the camp and vomited several times.  Old memories encased him in a blanket of sweat that not even the cool breeze could take away.  He washed his face at the freezing stream and returned, sinking straight into his bed for the night.  He would think of this no more.  Just a silent, dreamless sleep.  That's what he needed.  All he wanted.  Just to get the fuck away from... this...
Content copyright Orin Drake 2011.
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